the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
