I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
