Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
