dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
