hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
