There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
