I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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