Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
