well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
