dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
