No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
