And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She said her name was "party"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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