did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
