Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
