There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
