So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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