I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
