Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
