You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
