she was so not down for the gang bang
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
