remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
