I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
