literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
