I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
