shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
