summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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