At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
