she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
