He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm always down for nudity.
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