They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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