So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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