I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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