He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
