We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
