i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
