i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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