I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
