hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
