What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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