Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
