i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
