tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
no, he came in my armpit
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
