What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
