I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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