Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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