Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
