I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
