i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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