with your own penis?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
