Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
