your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
