When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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