Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
