I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
