so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
