The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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