I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
