new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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