It's Friday. Sex?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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