Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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