Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
