hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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