But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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