why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my shit smells like andre
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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