i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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