fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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