y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
